Dear Dee,

Funny how life, living, and loving someone never seem to have the same conversation. They always seem to be on different pages. The following will be an open letter about someone that I love, will always love and someone that I love enough to know that I can't love anymore...

I love you without thinking and by now I think you know that. In the depths of my soul and spirit I know that you are the rib that God took from Adam and made Eve. I know that loving you is as easy as breathing... you are truly my air. I love you with every breath Gods gives me a chance to live on this earth. I will love you in this life and the next and that will never change.

God did something drastic when he created you for me. He is always perfect in everything he does and this love is no exception. Loving you the way I do is drastic in the sense that it is hard to find someone that loves me the same way you do. The more I think about what was and could of been my heart sheds a tear.  I cries out for the only thing that keeps it beating and that is you.For the rest of my life I have to convince myself of two holy truths. The first is that loving you, learning how to love you, and loving you the way I do is Godly. I truly believe that what we have will never  be duplicated. 

The journey you and I have been on since God made time and air. We often go down this road of wanting each other and not being together. It has ditches, potholes, and a number of obstacles that are foreseen and others not seen at all. Many times it seems like you keep looking at the scenery and never enjoying the destination. Over time traveling down this road becomes a daunting task because it never seems like there is an exit. It is a road less traveled and filled with hopes of something drastic happening. 

Now, at the dead end of the road what to do? How can you love someone else when your heart belongs to someone? How can you be honest about how you feel when all the feelings that God wants us to feel came from someone? How can you be equally yoked with someone else when your entire being revolves around a prayer and a women named Dee? 

This life, living, and learning what love feels like since the day you came in my life has never been the same. I have learned that God does everything for a reason... I'm still trying to put my hands around this reason. I love you more then life itself. You moved me, complete me, and will always have apart of me. No more going back and forth, no more I wish conversations, and no more. I love you enough and love myself even more to know what has to be.

When God calls me I will look back and say that I knew who my Eve was. She taught me how to feel, be, and made me a better man. I will tell God thank you for his precious gift and the miracle of love. I will jump for joy that in my misunderstanding that I understand that sometimes you have to love someone enough to let go.  

I love you Dee unconditionally without conditions and I always will in this life & the next.

A Bad Sandwich

  "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"

 Keeping a positive mind  and taking on all of the challenges that comes with life is a difficult one that alone (mentally) you can really sink. We often sometime lean on the world and not the word and forget where our help comes from.

We are human and I think that every now and then we go back and forth with the trials and tribulations that we experience directly and indirectly. Whether it is on our job, people we meet, or even what shoes to buy we tend to cloud our minds with a bunch of stuff at times that really hinder who and what God has for us and wants us to be.

If the bible is our recipe book then we have all the ingredients to make a good sandwich. From the pickles to the type of lettuce to use we should never make a bad sandwich. On the other hand, how can we make a good sandwich if we never made a bad one? Was there ever a time when you had all the ingredients to make the perfect sandwich or you always had to looking the fridge to see what you had?

I don't know about you but it seems like I never have all the ingredients. I either have bread but no meat or meat with no bread. I can go and buy what I need and make the sandwich or even make sure every time I go shopping & have the ingredients on the grocery list but really...  Making a good sandwich takes time and many of us (I may just be talking about me) don't plan or shop to make a sandwich. We would rather take the easy way out and go and order a #1-10 of that pink slime & a coke.

I guess my point is that in order to have a clear mind free from all the mess that we deal with in this life is that we have to have faith and patience. We have to keep believing that it is going to get better, be OK, and work out in the end. We have to  keep telling ourselves over and over again that in due time it will be your time. Don't get impatient when in takes to long (Drake voice).



If we take time and follow the instructions in the recipe book we would always be ready to make a good sandwich... regardless of what is in or not in the fridge. Now if only I could take my own advice I can stop making these damn chicken hot dogs.

Willy Wonka

Trying to figure out what you want in a world filled with options is a difficult task. You can pray and keep praying until ya knees turn blue and still may never be satisfied. You can read books, take advice from your friends, or even go sit on that long couch and after all that you may still end up with nothing. Is it just me or does it feel like sometimes the more you try to understand people and the relationship you want your ideas and way of thinking evolves more often then you would like? I'm a stick to my guns person but lately I've been missing the target or shooting blanks




I mean you try to understand someone for who they are, you let go a little because why not take the risk, and in the end you end up back where you started. You loose an opportunity, loose time that you can't get back, and in many cases give of yourself (the risk I was talking about) only to loose to Facebook,Twitter, or someone who was interested in the idea of being in a relationship and not the work. I have my issues like anyone else but I think for the most part if I go to the candy store I know what I want. I don't have to guess and neither does the person at the register. I may look around but in the end it will always be a candy bar in my bag... The one I knew I wanted from the moment I walked in the store.

Do we all just keep holding on to that little bit of hope that one day someone will stop tweeting, updating their status, putting their entire life on the Internet and take some time to live it? Do we all feel that one day after all the good and bad advice that we have gotten that it we just fall together. After all the books, seminars, and sermons (I said it) that our Adam or Eve will walk into our lives. I don't know but I do know that God is faithful and sometimes you have to mess up in order to clean up.

Every child knows one thing when they walk through a candy store... they want candy.  As you get older I guess the real issue is what do you really have a taste for? I do have a sweet tooth but lately I would rather squeeze milk from a cow then walk through a candy store.

Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers Don't

I wasn't the best in math but lately I've been doing some math... mostly dealing with percentages. I know converting them to decimals is somewhat easy but... Well let me just give you some examples and hopefully you can understand.

If you only give 50% and the other person gives 100% how is that equal?

A 50/50 relationship does not always = 100.

You can give 100% and your return can be -0.

Not everybody adds like 100 + 100 = 1

Some people think that saying 100 & doing 0 = 100

I think most people do & say 100 & expect + 100 = 200 but in many cases it = 0

People are so transparent (really sick of that word) but not real with themselves that people settle for
25 +100 = 50 instead of 100 + 100 = 1 (Transparent people in many cases end up in the - depending on who they try to + with)

If efforts = a*2 and honesty = b*2 and c*2 is the start of something why does c*2 always (more often then not) - or 0? The question I would ask some people.

Some people just will always = 0 no matter how much you try to +. Regardless of you being transparent (last time saying that word), being honest, true to yourself, other people's situations, and your own feelings some people will always = > what you expected. As much as we want two people to = ∞ sometimes you have to - people and stop trying to solve the equations & remain +. God is always + & - people, places, and things out of our lives. Remain + and pay attention to those who actions > what they say.

We have to realize that "even the sun goes down heroes eventually die horoscopes often lie and sometimes "why" nothin' is for sure, nothin' is for certain, nothin' last forever but until they close them curtains"

You get the point... I hope you do anyways.

Masturbation

Playing with yourself can really be painful. I mean going back and forth or a "tennis match" with yourself can really drive you crazy. Think for a second the last time you just did something outside of the box. I mean REALLY outside of the box. Did you put or your morals and perfect views to the side just for that moment or did you realize that you just wanted to feel a certain way and screw all the righteous stuff? Whatever choice or decision you made guess what... YOU DID IT.

In a perfect world we all do the right thing all the time. Our morals, the way we were raised, and views on life are what usually defines us. It becomes our mantra or who we would like to be. Many times life comes along and makes that perfect world not so perfect and we have to do the unthinkable... live.

We have instructions on what we should and should not do in order to get back to that perfect place. The creator gives us instructions as how to live a righteous and faithful life. If followed we are promised a home that is perfect. Regardless of what we have done we have free will and a choice... In other words we have an obligation to live.

Nobody is perfect. It may take us sometime to get an understanding...YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING and not the one that somebody else will be telling you if you don't do this or that you will be going to hell. Make sure you understand and love who you are and who you were created to be. Enjoy yourself as much as you can. Don't get confined in a box or live through a peep hole. I'm not saying be a "Shone" or "FameWhore" but I am saying masturbate with your life but be safe and don't overexert yourself... Enjoy it as much as you can before you go blind.

P.S. If I have a bunch of mistake forgive me my vision is getting very blurry these days... #DatIshKray

A risk worth taking

Well, the year is going. It has started off as usual. Making resolutions that are often broken in a few days, getting your teeth cleaned, joining a gym, and making plans for the future. With all the sayings, doings, books and articles out their right after the new year starts is it funny or just me that we can so easily slip back into are old self?

Think for a moment about the word change . When we think about making a change are body and mind seems to automatically reject it. We go through a process of almost forcing ourselves to do something that we think, heard, or read is supposed to be good for us or to us. In many cases it is a risk worth taking.

I feel like I'm a risk worth taking and often tell myself that in the mirror (if I talk to myself in public some people may say I'm crazy) to remind me the way I am is a risk and all the changes I have made in my life good or bad were risk worth taking. I just recently did something that in my entire life I never did or would have thought of doing. The jury is still out but for the first time in  a long time and in 20102 I felt good... really good. Don't know what the reward could or is going to be but hell... The year is just getting started. Now ain't that ish kray!!!

2012

What a year going out and a year coming ahead! While everyone makes all these resolutions and promises that they probably are going to break (Hell we all do it) I wondered what would be my first post of 2012. As I look forward to this year  and make my list of things I want & need to do I ran across this and thought..."Dat Ish Kray"

 Enjoy!

12 Things The Negro Must Do For Himself by Nannie Helen Burroughs

(Published in the early 1900′s)

1. The Negro Must Learn To Put First Things First.  The First Things Are:  Education; Development of Character Traits; A Trade and Home Ownership.

• The Negro puts too much of his earning in clothes, in food, in show and in having what he calls “a good time.”  The Dr. Kelly Miller said, “The Negro buys what he WANTS and begs for what he Needs.”  Too true!

2.  The Negro Must Stop Expecting God and White Folk To Do For Him What He Can Do For Himself.

• It is the “Divine Plan” that the strong shall help the weak, but even God does not do for man what man can do for himself.  The Negro will have to do exactly what Jesus told the man (in John 5:8) to do–Carry his own load–”Take up your bed and walk.”

3.  The Negro Must Keep Himself, His Children And His Home Clean And Make The Surroundings In Which He Lives Comfortable and Attractive.

• He must learn to “run his community up”–not down.  We can segregate by law, we integrate only by living.  Civilization is not a matter of race, it is a matter of standards.  Believe it or not–some day, some race is going to outdo the Anglo-Saxon, completely.  It can be the Negro race, if the Negro gets sense enough.  Civilization goes up and down that way.

4.  The Negro Must Learn To Dress More Appropriately For Work And For Leisure.

• Knowing what to wear–how to wear it–when to wear it and where to wear it, are earmarks of common sense, culture and also an index to character.

5.  The Negro Must Make His Religion An Everyday Practice And Not Just A Sunday-Go-To-Meeting Emotional Affair.

6.  The Negro Must Highly Resolve To Wipe Out Mass Ignorance.

• The leaders of the race must teach and inspire the masses to become eager and determined to improve mentally, morally and spiritually, and to meet the basic requirements of good citizenship.
• We should initiate an intensive literacy campaign in America, as well as in Africa.  Ignorance–satisfied ignorance–is a millstone abut the neck of the race.  It is democracy’s greatest burden.
• Social integration is a relationship attained as a result of the cultivation of kindred social ideals, interests and standards.
• It is a blending process that requires time, understanding and kindred purposes to achieve.  Likes alone and not laws can do it.

7.  The Negro Must Stop Charging His Failures Up To His “Color” And To White People’s Attitude.

• The truth of the matter is that good service and conduct will make senseless race prejudice fade like mist before the rising sun.
• God never intended that a man’s color shall be anything other than a badge of distinction.  It is high time that all races were learning that fact.  The Negro must first QUALIFY for whatever position he wants.  Purpose, initiative, ingenuity and industry are the keys that all men use to get what they want.  The Negro will have to do the same.  He must make himself a workman who is too skilled not to be wanted, and too DEPENDABLE not to be on the job, according to promise or plan.  He will never become a vital factor in industry until he learns to put into his work the vitalizing force of initiative, skill and dependability.  He has gone “RIGHTS” mad and “DUTY”dumb.

8.  The Negro Must Overcome His Bad Job Habits.

• He must make a brand new reputation for himself in the world of labor.  His bad job habits are absenteeism, funerals to attend, or a little business to look after.  The Negro runs an off and on business.  He also has a bad reputation for conduct on the job–such as petty quarrelling with other help, incessant loud talking about nothing; loafing, carelessness, due to lack of job pride; insolence, gum chewing and–too often–liquor drinking.  Just plain bad job habits!

9.  He Must Improve His Conduct In Public Places.

• Taken as a whole, he is entirely too loud and too ill-mannered.
• There is much talk about wiping out racial segregation and also much talk about achieving integration.
• Segregation is a physical arrangement by which people are separated in various services.
• It is definitely up to the Negro to wipe out the apparent justification or excuse for segregation.
• The only effective way to do it is to clean up and keep clean.  By practice, cleanliness will become a habit and habit becomes character.

10.  The Negro Must Learn How To Operate Business For People–Not For Negro People, Only.

• To do business, he will have to remove all typical “earmarks,” business principles; measure up to accepted standards and meet stimulating competition, graciously–in fact, he must learn to welcome competition.

11.  The Average So-Called Educated Negro Will Have To Come Down Out Of The Air.  He Is Too Inflated Over Nothing.  He Needs An Experience Similar To The One That Ezekiel Had–(Ezekiel 3:14-19).  And He Must Do What Ezekiel Did

• Otherwise, through indifference, as to the plight of the masses, the Negro, who thinks that he has escaped, will lose his own soul.  It will do all leaders good to read Hebrew 13:3, and the first Thirty-seven Chapters of Ezekiel.
• A race transformation itself through its own leaders and its sensible “common people.”  A race rises on its own wings, or is held down by its own weight.  True leaders are never “things apart from the people.”  They are the masses.  They simply got to the front ahead of them.  Their only business at the front is to inspire to masses by hard work and noble example and challenge them to “Come on!”  Dante stated a fact when he said, “Show the people the light and they will find the way!”
• There must arise within the Negro race a leadership that is not out hunting bargains for itself.  A noble example is found in the men and women of the Negro race, who, in the early days, laid down their lives for the people.  Their invaluable contributions have not been appraised by the “latter-day leaders.”  In many cases, their names would never be recorded, among the unsung heroes of the world, but for the fact that white friends have written them there.

“Lord, God of Hosts, Be with us yet.”

• The Negro of today does not realize that, but, for these exhibits A’s, that certainly show the innate possibilities of members of their own race, white people would not have been moved to make such princely investments in lives and money, as they have made, for the establishment of schools and for the on-going of the race.

12.  The Negro Must Stop Forgetting His Friends.  “Remember.”

• Read Deuteronomy 24:18.  Deuteronomy rings the big bell of gratitude.  Why?  Because an ingrate is an abomination in the sight of God.  God is constantly telling us that “I the Lord thy God delivered you”–through human instrumentalities.
• The American Negro has had and still has friends–in the North and in the South.  These friends not only pray, speak, write, influence others, but make unbelievable, unpublished sacrifices and contributions for the advancement of the race–for their brothers in bonds.
• The noblest thing that the Negro can do is to so live and labor that these benefactors will not have given in vain.  The Negro must make his heart warm with gratitude, his lips sweet with thanks and his heart and mind resolute with purpose to justify the sacrifices and stand on his feet and go forward–“God is no respector of persons.  In every nation, he that feareth him and worketh righteousness is” sure to win out.  Get to work!  That’s the answer to everything that hurts us.  We talk too much about nothing instead of redeeming the time by working.

R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R

• In spite of race prejudice, America is brim full of opportunities.  Go after them!

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