Monday, November 28, 2011

401K or 430B

Badia Mojo Marinade Sauce

Lately I've been feeling like I am truly at a lost. I feel like all the changes that I've made to be better have created a big disconnect. From going through my phone and deleting numbers to not even calling people who at one time I wanted to talk to (referring to dating and being in a serious relationship) I just stopped talking or making the effort. It just feels like I have made a bunch of  bad investment and lost all the spunk or in the words of Austin Powers "I lost my MoJo".

Don't get me wrong I still think I got a lot going for myself but as far as being in a relationship I don't know anymore. Some people I have met (old and new) are wonderful, great, beautiful, awesome women. They have ambition, drive, and value the little things. Some of them are old friends who have recognized my growth and see a different person. The old "new and improved version" mantra that has become a gift and a curse. I know they say you should be with someone who is your best friend but in some cases that complicates things. You may end up hating the person not for wanting to be with you but for not recognizing that your friendship is more important than a possible relationship .

Other women I have met were either introduced to me by a friend or were old friends. These investments have been like making an investment with Bernie Madoff. Very promising in the begging with the outlook being very good. In the end  it is short lived or just fades away. I often blame myself for thinking to highly of myself and where I am (in life and with myself) these days. Maybe everyone is not where I am or they may be... just at a different time. Sometimes it feel like test driving a used new car... if that makes any sense. Just like in investing you have to take calculated risk or know when to back out.

I often think about when I had a good women in my life. Many times I didn't realize it. I wanted my cake the plate, fork, napkin, and eat the cake too. At a time in my life when I thought I knew what I liked but really didn't know what I wanted. Looking back I probably stayed out (no church in the wild) to long and missed out on a good women. Now I am in a relationship with Karma... ain't that a bitch.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Ham or turkey?

Is there any difference in being a choice or an option for someone? Is there a difference? Are they both the same thing? Can you have both?  Does having a choice mean you have many options or does having options mean that you have many choices?  However you define  in a relationship being an option, choice or both can be a tragedy.

In a serious relationship you should be the first option and the only choice. You should be just as important as air, cockiness to feel like you make the other person better (at least sometimes), and feel like at any moment you could loose this person. Why would you need a choice or option if you looked at all of that and found someone that gives you everything...someone who the risk is worth taking (i'm just saying). Who wants to be on the back burner... You should always be in wanting.

I have been in relationships where I was one or the other or worse both. You get caught up in being with someone and what that brings and sometimes tend to loose who you are. You begin to settle for the back burner. Directly and indirectly you become either the option, choice, or both.

 Is love an option or choice? As a choice I became the person hoping for something more than what the other person wanted. I was either for the moment, for the time being, or nothing at all. As a choice your feelings and emotions are wrapped into what could be instead of what is. As an option I never really care because I was having my cake and eating it to. As an option you tend to not care. In the end it all ends up sour because you can never get back the time lost or the emotions put into what you wanted or had. In the end being an option was a bad choice I made.

I think having all the choices and options get old as you live and get older. You want more consistency and security instead of the option and choices. The only choices I want to make are where we are going and when we are coming back. The only problem is changing the "I' that I am now and find her so "we" can be... Now that is a choice and option that we all are trying to make (well some of us). I hope to make the right choice one day and have only one option... The rib God used to make my Eve.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Be like Mike... Be better than Mike

One of the greatest basketball players God has ever made got caught from his high school basketball team. He went on to win championships and leave a legacy behind that others marvel and envy. He has some big shoes to fill. As parents we have a lot on are plates when raising children. We have to understand that every decision that we make impacts you, your family (married or not), and most of all your offspring. My mom always says  "do as I say & not as I do" but what if you do is better than what you say?

Most children are raised based on experiences. The saying goes "you will raise your child the way you were raised" but that is not always the case. If you were abused would you abuse your child or if you were starved to death would you starve your kids? Probably not but I do know that how you were raised will be an opportunity to take that experience, grow, and learn from it in order to: A. be a parent. B. become a better parent. Make good decisions for you and those decisions will be great for your children. 

There is no book on how to raise a child... No gospel, koran, or a^2 * b^ = c^2 that will give you the perfect child.  Be weary and skeptical of opinions on parenting because lives can vary from experiences, social norms, and personal biases. Statements like "I never had a dad so I'm always going to be there for my child" or "I had nothing so I'm going to work hard to make sure my child will have everything I didn't have" become mantras for people before they become parents. The utopia that we create about parenting drastically changes once you become a parent. The norm is not always the norm and what should be may not always be what is best for the team remember you can sometimes win in a lost. As parents (married or single) remember that you are a team and your role as a starter and decisions you make are  just as important as the bench players... Just ask  John Paxson.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Mr. Solo Dolo

What does that really mean? Are you single by choice, by circumstance, experience, or just because? What ever the reason is it is truly your reason. Enjoy the time by yourself and know that even in your loneliness you are not alone. You have a mind that is always with you. Giving you an empty canvas to paint the perfect companion. You have a mind to pray (what ever your religious preference is) that you being single has more to do with a higher power than something that the world created. Make sure your actions and intentions are sincere and not an act during this time. You can hurt yourself and waste two things that you will never get back... time & emotions.

In your "me time" be careful who you bring into the fold. You can easily be attracted to the feeling of having someone, somebody, or something to fill the void you may have instead of waiting for the right time. You may find your self looking back and saying "back then they didn't want me know I'm hot and they still don't want me" but that may be the catch... "They" really didn't want to be with you they just want to replace the title for the time being and not for the long haul.

Listen to your feelings during this time and don't ignore how you want to feel or the real fact is that you really want to be with someone. Be careful not to settle or jump to fast and don't be scared to take strategic risk... Who knows what could happen!

 As much as we all want to feel the same love that Adam had for Eve or that Cookie has for Erving we have to enjoy and cherish all the moments in life. One thing is for sure love is always constant however, the right love, from the right person, at the right time is eternal... whether you are single or not.

Monday, November 21, 2011

You think you know... You have no idea

Do you really know people? I mean really... DO YOU KNOW THEM. If you take a moment a think you may find yourself wondering. People change all the time for different reasons. From the weather to life it self people are always changing. You can know someone for years and one day... POW you wake up look at them a they look like a different person. Think about being able to see who people really were... would you be able to handle it?

A scary thing to find out that the relationship you were in for years with the person of your dreams was a nightmare. The person who you thought you were ready to give your all to and for turned out to be somebody else. The family member who you thought had your back and was so proud of you turned out to be somebody else. What about your friends who are your ride or die... yeah somebody else.

Does it happen because as the saying goes "it is what it is" or does it happen because we are all different and change/evolve at different times? Does it happen because at some point, at different times, we all want the same thing or does it happen because all the time we ant something different? does it just happen because...

Ask yourself do you really know all the people in your life... like REALLY know them? Do you really know who YOU are is  probably the question that you need to ask yourself first. Hopefully you do know all the people in your life and know that at some point they are going to change for better or for worse. Then they will have a chance to know you... or will they?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Kanye & Amber

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and knew it was wrong but felt so right? Regardless of the consequences or knowing that you two really don't belong together you are just saturated with all the feelings and emotions of that other person. You argue, fight, fuss and argue again about everything from why you are not together to we may never be together. You always seem to break up, say we should not talk to each other only to end up right were you started. In the end you realize that loving that person unconditionally without conditions and living instead of worrying about the right or wrongs is all the both of you may ever have. You will always have a place in your heart and always  look back and realize that once in your life you were in love and loved something and someone. Your heart will always have a place for all the wrongs and rights that came with loving and being in love with your Kanye or Amber.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Can you hear me now?

 In life whether you are in a relationship or not some people can't hear. Over time people get their own way of thinking and have opinions about everything from what colors to wear to you shouldn't have sex on the first night. Is there every going to be a time when people stop having an opinion on everything and just hear what you are saying? Sometimes people just really want to talk or have someone listen without an opinion (at least I do at times). Everyone has an opinion and it matters but sometimes who really gives a shit. Listening is a different way of saying you love someone or at least you're listening... If that makes since.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What could I put for my first post? I have been trying to figure out what my purpose for doing this would be. I asked myself as I got caught up in trying to make the "perfect blog page" wondering why is all this necessary. As I begin to at least get some kind of idea I figured I would try to bring my readers up to speed with where I am in life right now with what I have been through over the past 32 years. I thought this would be a great start and a great first post. 
Something I read ever now and then to keep things in perspective. Tell me what you think.

by Reverend Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples . . . and reflect on it. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low-self esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. 
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerability, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. 
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain. 
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life," you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, Intimacy, Trust, A sense of humor, Sharing household tasks, Some getaway time without business or children. Daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember, for Richer or for Poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion. "Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."